I woke up thinking and feeling hell.
But it’s amazing how I could transition into thinking that “this is a new day”.
I did a Lovingkindness mediation.
Though my mind was not focusing, it did calm me down a bit.
I listened to “Touch the sky” by Hillsong, and it just gave me this wonderful and beautiful feeling (so hard to articulate).
Before, I didn’t know there were such feelings like beautiful and inspiring.
Like always I went to a cafe. I was working on some things my friend asked me to help her with.
Doing things for others actually helps me a lot to focus less on myself and not overthink.
I was still thinking about food most of the time, and didn’t meditate because I wasn’t willing to face the reality of emptiness and raw discomfort.
Woke up several times to eat myself to sleep.
I think i caught a cold and a fever.
It’s never fun being physically sick, but I always forget how hard it is.
That’s why I tend to think “i would rather have a lifetime cold than depression, anxiety, and eating disorder” (which i struggle daily.)
But actually having a cold reminds me how it’s equally hard to be sick whether it is physically or mentally.
Or is it that i got used to mental craziness :??