I’ve become a Christian for a year and a half. It was in a foreign country, where I met the kindest and the most genuinely wise Christians……that led to my lordship decision.
Coming home to my country, my faith has been very unstable.
I managed to find a Church to kind of settle in.
But I struggle to fully committing myself to the church.
Among the many many reasons, one of them is that
There is a part of me that fear–full commitment will make me miss out on certain things in life.
My family is not Christian, and they are amazingly kind and loving. Many friends of mine are not religious (without any specific faith) but are kinder and wiser than many Christians that I interact with here.
Sometimes I feel that the regular members at the church are insecure to the point that they are mean to the people who are more capable(better school, better job, higher ability). And only accepts those who are like them in terms of the worldly abilities.
As rude as it sounds, I don’t want my future to look like the people in my church.
I know that I am using a yardstick of the world to measure these, and a Christian value should be nothing but in Christ.
I’ve thought about how I could be faithful but not religious, but i also think it’s just me making excuses not to surrender fully.
I just don’t know.
It doesn’t feel good having a bad aftertaste every week after service.
I want to feel joy in church like when I am praying, meditating on the word, singing his praise, and when I listen to bethel and Hillsong.