I want to overcome binge eating but

I get angry the minute I wake up every morning.
Most days I wake up feeling bloated from my midnight binging,

and the overflow of shame attached to it.

I end up cancelling lunch and dinner plans with friends because of it.

No matter how hard I try, binging at night is something I can’t stop.
No self-control will do.

(I think) this is because food was the only thing that was always there for me.
Or so I think.

Ever since 10, I binged myself to sleep, and eating was the only time I felt “safe”.
The world was always a place of fear, and food was my armor.
But the problem was that I couldn’t stop.

I never developed the emotional competency to withstand any emotions because I used food to numb it all–the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I learned that just because you go through hard life experiences does not automatically make you strong.
That you need to actually proactively deal with it; and I was doing the opposite, by numbing.

I’ve tried to accept myself for who I am, but to be honest, I don’t really know how that feels like.

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