Over the break, I was hanging out with my friends.
And I mean some of my really good friends.
As someone who has a hard time being an essential member of a single group, I have good friends in different “cliques” or “groups” if you will.
And they don’t know each other.
This winter, I realized how hesitant I was about all of us hanging out together.
I don’t have any problem introducing them to one another. But I don’t want to be there when we all hang out.
I think this is because I am so sensitive about being included/excluded.
If I feel that they are getting along better..
I am scared that they would become better friends and I will be unneeded.
This fear partially comes my past experiences with my sister.
Whenever I brought my friends home, they end up becoming closer with my sister.
I felt lesser than and it communicated to me that I am unworthy to be with.
Now, I am still very insecure when hanging out in groups.
I can’t really enjoy the moment with them because I am constantly afraid of being left out.