“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.”
I never understood this quote.
I feel this quote in these situations.
1. When I don’t binge
When I am not controlled by food and food-related anxieties, I realize that I have so much time and energy.
That I am so much more “available” to the present.
This is also when I realized how much time and energy and possibility I have wasted by running away from life with food.
I realize how much I would be capable of, if I wasn’t lost to eating disorder.
2. When I don’t runaway from social situations
I am generally very awkward around a group of people.
And often, I avoid social situations or leave in the middle of events.
But in those rare times I persisted until the end, it is often the case that I am able to have better fellowship with the people there.
This is when it dawns on me how much I probably missed out on.
But also how much I would have been capable of socializing.
I see a glimpse of how much potential i may have, that scares the world out of me.
Because in my mind, i subconsciously thought that I am bad at socializing, period.
So when this appears to not be true, I realized how much potential I wasted.
3. When I am happy (or not depressed)
In those moments when I am not feeling down, I see how much I am able to accomplish–academically, socially, and everything in between.
And this just scares me.
It’s not that I am not scared of my inadequacy. I am, to a great degree.
But it’s probably not that simple.
I am also frightened how much possibility there is. And how much of that I am wasting every day.