I struggle with an eating disorder.
But it’s also actually all of the other mental illness mashed up together.
Emotionally, I deal with anxiety and depression daily.
Behaviorally, I am a food addict.
Cognitively, there is a monster in my head constantly telling me lies that I let define my day.
I am obsessive compulsive about what I ate, what to eat, and everything in between.
Socially, I am awkward and anxious all the time, because social events almost always involve food.
I am also very ADHD. I am practically incapable of sitting still.
As silly as it may sound, these things serve as my armor.
I live every day running away from something.
On the surface, it looks like I am running away from binging and pain and hurt and rejection.
But I think it’s myself that I am actually running away from.
That’s why when I don’t have all of these symptoms, i m scared.
Extremely frightened to face myself. And
To let go of the demon.