Why I can’t let go of my mental illness

I struggle with an eating disorder.

But it’s also actually all of the other mental illness mashed up together.

Emotionally, I deal with anxiety and depression daily.

Behaviorally, I am a food addict.

Cognitively, there is a monster in my head constantly telling me lies that I let define my day.

I am obsessive compulsive about what I ate, what to eat, and everything in between.

Socially, I am awkward and anxious all the time, because social events almost always involve food.

I am also very ADHD. I am practically incapable of sitting still.

As silly as it may sound, these things serve as my armor.

I live every day running away from something.

On the surface, it looks like I am running away from binging and pain and hurt and rejection.

But I think it’s myself that I am actually running away from.

That’s why when I don’t have all of these symptoms, i m scared.

Extremely frightened to face myself. And

To let go of the demon.

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