The danger of not belonging to social groups

I have a hard time belonging to a single group.

I always find myself group hopping, as I cannot fully commit to one group.

I think I just stay in the safe place of being a “guest” in any group.

It protects me from dealing with group conflicts, as I just move onto the next group.

I can just stay superficial.

I don’t have to face the real stuff.

Or maybe I m afraid to be fully known by anyone.

It’s a safe place. But it’s too safe.

It’s  like staying in your room forever. You can avoid certain pain, but nothing happens at all.

We can’t selectively avoid. When we do avoid, we are distancing both the pleasure and pain from us.

That’s why I m always left feeling alone and foreign.
There’s seemingly no pain but no true fellowship either.


Do you have trouble making friends?

It might be the case that you are unknowingly yet effectively hiding yourself.

When I studied abroad, I was making friends automatically. And I literally mean automatically. It was like when I realized, I was surrounded by many wonderful people.
Being someone who always had a hard time making friends, it is intriguing now that I think of it.

It was not the product of my conscious effort.
But it’s not a coincidence at all either.

When I studied abroad, I was inarguably much more self-confident and positive person.

What this means in a deeper level was that I was willing to be known by others, and willing to know others.
This produced engagement, which I think is the gist of friendships and relationships.

I was putting myself out there, and happily interacted with others.
As narcissistic as it may sound, I would want to befriend myself. Because when you hang out people who are secure in themselves and positive with others, you just feel good.

Step 1: be secure in yourself. This starts from stop hiding yourself. Just putting ourselves out there. It requires practice but it is effective.

Step 2: be genuinely interested in others.
What can I learn from others?
Everyone has a story. Interesting looking people may have breathtaking life experiences. The most normal looking person, will have experienced something that will take your breath away.